Please don't see this as a jab at my own dad, because it's not at all. I LOVE my dad, so, so much. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Some of my favorite memories are spent with him. I know I am so much like him and I love that about myself. One of the things I am most proud of about my dad was that he worked with people with special needs. I love that I am like my dad in that way. I am so proud of my dad's heart for others. My dad is a great man, an honorable man and I wouldn't trade him for the world. It's true though, I miss my dad...so much. I wish I could see him every day and have wished that everyday for the past 17ish years. I wish I had 21 years of memories with him. I wish he would have changed things about our lives so we both didn't have to be so strong. I wish that he would live in Iowa, so I could visit. I wish my (future) neices and nephews will see him as their favorite grandpa. I wish Father's Day wasn't a little bit sad . But I do love my dad. I sometimes feel like I missed out when my roommates talk about their awesome dads. When they talk about the funny ways their dad's would say goodbye to them unfailingly, each morning, or how they would get embarassed by their dad's doing goofy dad things. But then I remember the time's I've had with my dad, and the things that I love about my dad and it's ok. My dad is a great dad.
My perception of "the father" is a little different than most. I don't think by this point, this will come as a suprise to anyone, that it's a bit of a hardened area for me. I love my dad, but he wasn't there, that makes a difference. The father figure that was present most of my life was not one that anyone would have chosen. There are some good memories, but most are not and those that are good, are overshadowed by the bad. While I don't view my step-father as a dad figure per se', I do see him as a solid and constant support system, someone who loves me, and someone who has made life for my family easier and sweeter, and for that I could never be happier or more thankful. He is also a man of God, and exemplifies the heart that I know our Heavenly Father has for his kids.
This brings me to the point of this post, I know God wants me to experience the undying, unconditional, love that he has for me. It's all there in the little things that He has given me in my life. He has shown me what a sweet gift a father is, He has shown me everything a father is not, and now He is showing me that He will never do those things to me. I know He has been showing me that there is rest in Him. He will provide all of the things that I need, and all the of the want's of my heart. I think about these things often. I usually begin to pray and talk about what's going on in my life, (as if He doesn't already know). I picture him listening to me with a smile on his face, just like my dad did when he listened to me. I know that He is letting me come to Him on my own time. He's not pushing himself onto me. He is good Dad.
Make no mistake, I am happy. I have always been happy. I don't feel like I missed out because I have been given lots of great dad's in my life. My 2 best friends growing up had fathers who acted like fathers to me, my uncles are great dads, and my pastors are great dad's. I have great dads.The love of a father is something that everyone craves. It's a strong love. I know that I am almost to my point of fully and knowingly experiencing, and feeling God's love.
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