Monday, December 26, 2011

My hands are tied. Thank God!

As you know, I am in the earlyish stages of my "Journey to trust" and while I'm on this crazy adventure I have been realizing just how little control I actually have over my life. Seriously, I might as well hop into the trunk, because my hands are not on the wheel. The most recent example I have is when I rented two books from the Cedar Falls Library. I was feeling a bit out of sorts and felt like I needed to go to the library, get a library card and spend the day reading. So, I went and finished The Help, (fantastic book by the way). I signed up for a library card and began wandering around looking for something to check out. When I first walked in, I noticed a shelf that was designated as "Book Club Books." I was browsing through that shelf and found tons of intresting books that I wanted to check out. The problem was, while those books looked great and I really wanted to check them out, they didn't feel right. I was holding the books intending to check them out anyway when I noticed that it was a self check out system, a system that I had no clue how to use. Because of my foolish pride (I'm working on it), I really didn't want to ask anyone one how to use it so I just hung back and creeped in between two shelves and watched a few people go through. That's when a book called, John 3:16 caught my eye. I picked it up and read the back and instantly felt better, just because I had the book in my hands. I kept looking in that shelf and found another called, Where do I go?, and again, I felt a calm wash over me when it was in my hands. I put the two other books back on the shelf, checked the God approved books out, and headed home feeling a sense of peace I hadn't felt for a few days. I couldn't wait to get home and start reading the books because I knew that I was supposed to read them. (Told you I'm not in control, I can't even pick out my own  reading-for-fun library books!)

John 3:16 was about several people in a college town who are all seemingly individual, but slowly they begin to become connected. Each person experiences some sort of life changing event that not only brings them together, but reveals a huge part of God's plan for their lives. The title verse is the main theme for the book. God gave his Son Jesus to the world so that we could experience His love. His amazing, crazy, life changing, radical love.

The second book, Where Do I Go is about a girl named Gabby who goes to France while studying abroad and meets an American boy whom she falls in love with and marries. The book then jumps forward to their life together. She is an unhappy wife whose husband loves his work more than he loves her. She follows her hubby to Chicago and lives in a penthouse suite. In a "fit of youth" she stumbles across a homeless shelter where we (the readers) learn she is a Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist (this is my future career; I have never, EVER met anyone that I don't have to explain this title to, let alone read it in a novel!!!!!!!). This is as far as I have gotten into the book but I can't wait to finish.

This is just one way that I have been shown that I am not in control, and that I need to listen to God to know my next step. He knows what's up, He's had a lot of practice. He already knows what I am going to be doing at this exact moment 25 years from now. I need to focus more on listening and trusting His decisions rather than mine, even on the little tiny things, like picking books from the library. I know He guides me out of love, but I just can't quite wrap my head around that love yet. But, I suppose my head doesn't really need to fully understand it, as long as my heart does.