Why?

**For those of you who have expressed concern: I was never in any imminent danger through this ridiculousness, there were tons of people who probably would have stepped in if anything got out of hand, and the police officer was very professional in his handling of the situation. Would you have believed me without photo evidence? :) **

In the midst of my mundane routine, I often find myself in the weirdest situations. I have no idea how or why but inevitably, it always happens. I even started a hashtag on Twitter #FailingWithJordan, they are so frequent. Here is the latest of those situations.

One way homeless people find work is to sell newspapers at intersections all over the city. Having just bought a new car (with WORKING windows) I was happy and somewhat excited to be able to help out. I pulled up to the intersection (with inappropriately long red lights) smiled and waved, holding some cash to indicate my intentions. The transaction absolutely did not go as planned. 

The man selling papers walked up to my car and leaned heavily against the door. Instantly, I smelled the liquor on his breath and wanted to get this over with. What I said very clearly through the four inch opening of my window was, "Hi, I don't want a paper but here's a donation to use as you need it. Have a great night." What the man heard was something that led him to believe I was looking for a new pal. When I ignored his suggestions on "fun places where we could dance" he took matters into his own hands and proceeded to SIT on the HOOD of my BRAND NEW used car. Obviously, I did the only thing I could think of which was panic and repeat the word 'why' over and over out loud. To make matters more fun, cars around me TOOK PICTURES and honked their horns. A gesture, while I'm sure heartfelt, was just not at all helpful. I thought if I drove forward very slowly, the man would get off and end his protest. Unfortunately, he did not until I had inched  all the way through the red light and he spotted a police officer. As he slid off and ran away I was being pulled over for running a red light. (What happened to chivalry?)

The officer came up to my car and asked if I knew the light was red. My exact reply was, "Yes, Sir, I did know. I'm very sorry I ran that light....but there was a homeless man on my hood and I didn't know what else to do." The officer stopped, looked at me very sternly, and asked me to step out of my vehicle. I'm pretty sure he thought I had hit this man with my car. I explained the situation, and he told me to stay put.  After he inspected my car for evidence of vehicular homicide,  ran my license, he gave me a well spoken lecture about making up nonsense just to get out of a ticket. Thankfully as he was writing out an incredibly expensive ticket for my "outlandish excuses" one of the cars that had witnessed the whole thing pulled up and showed the police officer the photo on his cell phone, (after first asking for immunity for having his cell phone out while driving). Thankfully the police officer had a sense of humor, and let me go ticket free with an apology through laughing tears while wiping the grease mark left by the homeless man's clothes off my hood. The homeless man was pursued for public intoxication. Probably a good idea.

My views on Same Sex Marriage

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies: The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."-Rick Warren

With all the attention this issue is getting, this topic has been on my mind for a while, and I've been trying to decide if I wanted to address it or not. My hesitance does not stem from fear, or social judgement but because politically, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Politics give me a headache and bore me to tears. But, due to actions from some of my very bold friends, I have decided to write about my support for same sex marriage.  Upon reading that sentence, I would be willing to bet that at least 70% of you readers now have your shields up and are not very happy with me. I bet right now you're thinking, "OMG is she, GAY?!"

Let me address that thought.

First of all, that's rude, and I'm not going to answer that question right now. Not because the accusation of being gay is anywhere near an insult, but because of the way you thought it. That thought came from a place of ignorance and intolerance. I don't believe that is a question that anyone has the right to ask. When my friends came out to me, I was deeply honored that they trusted me and knew my character enough to know that that piece of them was safe with me. That I was not going to judge them or end our friendship because of one part of who they are. Each person has the right to choose when, how, to whom, and if they are going to share that information with you. Gay or straight.

Secondly, like I said earlier that thought came from a place of ignorance and intolerance, and unless you are willing to open your heart and your mind to the person behind the information, you don't deserve to know the answer. One thing I've learned about this life is that we are put in the paths of people who we are supposed to share impact with. If you want it to be a positive experience and receive the blessing that they are, you're going to have to accept them for who they are. Gay or straight.

Third, I am not a theologian. I have not read the whole bible and I'll be honest, I don't know everything about what it says about same sex marriage. I do know two things however: first, we can make the bible say pretty much anything we want it to when we take Jesus' words out of context and secondly, my God teaches love.  I believe everything in the bible is true and from what I've read, the most important thing to Jesus was making sure we all know how madly and passionately he loves us ALL. So instead of spreading hate through condemnation, I choose to spread love through acceptance. Gay or straight.

My fourth point is on the sanctity of marriage. Nobody has come even close to convincing me that same sex marriage is ruining the sanctity of marriage. I'm pretty sure straight people have been doing a fine job of that for decades. The mere fact that I know Britney Spears was married for 55 hours proves that. And Vegas? C'mon guys. With this said, I am not saying all straight couples are ruining marriage, or that all same sex couples are preserving it. What I'm saying is, this point is crap.

I have also been confronted because when I talk about not using the R-word I ask people to refrain from using gay in a derogatory way as well, as if "I'm saying that gay people are retarded." (Several people have actually said this to me). Let me make myself clear. I typically talk about both words together not because I think being gay was caused by trauma, or a  genetic development, but because it is a real part of a person that makes them the unique blessing full of promise that they are (I know how cheesy that sounds but it's true). Just as you, Reader, were born with freckles and a love for animals, you wouldn't be you without every single attribute. Again, acceptance of a person as a person. Not as a gay person, or a special needs person, or as a different person. As a person. Gay or straight.

The last thing this world needs is more intolerance and more judgement. If we were all able to open our hearts and our minds to the the people around us regardless of their label, I think we would see that this world isn't the ugly place it seems to be. Because of that I CHOOSE to share with you that I am straight. I am an ally to the gay community and I'm freaking proud of it.

Catching a Glimpse

Have you ever been driving home from work when the sun is setting and you manage to catch a glimpse of it in a break in the trees? You can see the blue sky above you beginning to give way to those beautiful colors, everything has that awesome golden glow from the low sun. You drive a bit further and the sunset is obstructed by trees, and houses, or buildings, but then there it is again! A break in the buildings showed you another quick look at it and you just know it's going to be a good one. Finally, maybe the highway goes through a rural area where the land is flat and farmed or you've driven around a corner and are now driving straight into it, but there..there it is. Everything is bathed in golden light; the sun is a warm bright reddish- orange, just beginning to sink in to the earth. The sky, which at this point makes you understand why it's called the heavens, is red, pink, purple, orange, yellow and blue. How is it possible that this same sky, that brings rain, and storms, and tornadoes can also bring this breath taking display of beauty? It makes you want to pull over and sit on the hood of your car and just soak in the warm gold covering the earth.

At the church I recently began attending, we are just finishing up a study of Luke that started about two years ago. Today, the pastor talked about the very last paragraph, The Ascension of Christ. I have always wondered why Christ chose to go back up into heaven (not that I blame Him) and how the disciples felt about him leaving, so I was pleased to find this was the topic of the teaching. Essentially, Jesus was taken back up into heaven so that we could be closer to him because with him in his physical body on Earth, he could only be with the people who shared his geographical location. But, because he was taken back into heaven into his rightful position as the King, he was able to send the Holy Spirit who continued to do his work in those who loved him. The beauty of Jesus' absence, is that it made way for his deep spiritual presence. He didn't leave as I previously felt and thought, he did the opposite and became more available. It says in Luke 50-53, "When he led them out to the edge of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them,  he left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshiped him, and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God." What struck me about this passage was that when Jesus leaves, no one grieves. Instead, they are completely filled with joy. The pastor teaching today talked about this and said it was because for the first time, the disciples were seeing Jesus for who he really was. The preparation, the teaching, everything was over. The man who was to be the Son of God had come, did everything he said he would do and more, and now they watched him ascend to heaven. It's like they spent all that time during their walk with him catching glimpses of who Jesus said he was, only to lose the view. Then, they finally turned a corner and broke out of the buildings and there he was, in all of his glorious display, Jesus. Exactly who he  always said he was going to be but now,their eyes and hearts were completely open and he was blessing them. I bet the moment Jesus rose up felt like they had spent all day in a blazing sun. They knew that when the day was over and the sun set, they would have relief. It takes so long, but when the sun finally begins to fall and the sky transforms  nobody remembers how uncomfortable the sun was. All they can do is stop, look at the beauty, and be joyful in the moment.

I feel like this is kind of how my walk with Jesus is. Not that I've had the honor of having my eyes fully opened to exactly who He is but more in the glimpses part. I go through life and things are good, but then I catch a glimpse and a whole new realm of 'good' is found. I walk through life and things are tough, times when no matter how hard I try, I can't get my footing, and even if I could I wouldn't know what to do with it. But then, inevitably -because God's promise to us is true- I catch a glimpse and the struggles grow dim in the light of his hope. I find my footing and even though I still probably don't know what to do with it, I take the next step with a renewed confidence, a joyful heart and know that I'm on his path.

Living life between the glimpses can be hard. When times are good I think we find we lean more on our own understanding and think that we know what were doing, so by the time we catch a glimpse, we've gotten so far off track talking about all our blessings on Facebook, we realize that without the glimpse we would  have soon found ourselves lost. And, in the hard times, we can get so beaten down with anxiety, debt, and struggle that we lose hope that we may ever catch another glimpse at all. These times are when we pray for direction and when a glimpse is everything we need, (I know I've had such low times where I would feel like I caught a glimpse purely because my debit card wasn't rejected). The fact is, is that no matter where we are in our lives or what season we're going/suffering through, He's there. He will always show up and give us a glimpse to give us direction, or hope, or those amazing blessings at the perfect time that not only renews our hearts, but gives us enough insight to keep going.

Comfort vs. Courage

It's important to have a little background information about me for this post to fully make sense.When I was little, I would dream of traveling to and living in far off places. I wanted to go to school in a different state, study abroad in a different culture. I wanted to join the Peace Corps and live this exciting, adventurous life. But, the reality of it was that as much as I wanted to do these things, I could barely spend the night at a friend's house across the street without getting homesick. I remember on one night in third or fourth grade I "spent the night" at my friend Deanna's house. (Keep in mind that I knew this family as well as I knew my own, and I walked to this sleepover.) We had a great time playing and being weird as we always are, but at nine o'clock when it was time to start winding down, I was overwhelmed with an unnecessary anxiety and could not imagine spending another second away from home. This resulted in me calling my mom in tears and going home. This routine of having a great time and then going home at bedtime continued far longer than it should have. Eventually by middle school, I was able to successfully stay the night at a friends house not without thoughts of home lulling me to sleep. But, I didn't go college in a different state nor did I study abroad. I never stopped wanting to but in all honesty, the thought of these things brought back feelings of that old anxiety and I just didn't have the courage. Throughout college, the opportunities for travel and leaving the Cedar Valley increased and I felt more and more compelled to take them. I began feeling that not only did I want to take these opportunities, I felt that I needed to take them. It took a sharp jab in the ribs from God and His incessant repeating of "move, move, move" to finally do it. I moved an hour and a half away to work at Camp Courageous, then five hours away for my internship in Aurora, Illinois, now I live eleven hours away in Nashville. I hope to one day move to India and work with Loving His Lambs ministry. But even as I type this, I wouldn't be being honest if I didn't mention that pretty much everyday I think about moving back home.

I have been working at a job as a nanny for a four and a two year old both with special needs. While I have now become comfortable with their demanding schedules, medical needs and the overall responsibilities of part-time parenting, in the beginning I was worried I wasn't going to be able to handle it. On the morning of my first day God woke me up forty-five minutes early from a basically sleepless, anxious night and led me to Ephesians. As I was reading this book I felt love of Christ washing over me again and again and again. I finished the book, and spent some time praying until my alarm went off and got up filled with courage, hope, and reassurance that I'm in the right place. About two weeks later I was filled with homesickness again and was still semi uncomfortable with my job. That night I spoke with a great friend who shared my feelings of homesickness. The next morning, God woke me up early again this time leading me to the story of Esther. As  I read this story I was thinking, this girl, probably younger than me at the time, left her home without any questions. Then when all the lives of her people were threatened, she risked her life to save them. And she did it. There is a verse in Esther 4:14 that has become one of my new favorites,  ^"If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows? Perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?”

"Who knows? Perhaps you were made queen for such a time as this"

When I read this, all I could think of was that Sonic commercial where the bald guy talks about having his mind blown, because my mind was seriously blown (and because I have some issues staying focused).  My mind was completely blown. Esther left her life, her culture, her family to live in a strangers palace and make a complete lifestyle change. She left her comfort to be courageous. Then when she had adjusted to the life of luxury she was given the opportunity to again forgo comfort and be even more courageous and risk her life to save her people.  She didn't have to do any of it. She could have told Mordecai in the beginning that she wasn't chosen to go to the palace and stayed home in the life that she knew, but she didn't.

In an attempt to link the first paragraph with the rest of the story, living a life of comfort is great. It doesn't have to be a palace, but just being around family makes you feel richer and more comfortable than Bill Gates. But, it's not always what we are called to do. Mordecai tells Esther that if she doesn't make the decision to try to save her people, with time, someone else will and they will be victorious, but look at the situation, you are here now! You, a Jewish  woman have been made queen exactly when we are in need of a person of power to stand for us. Maybe this is what you are meant to do! Sometimes we are called to leave what makes us comfortable and choose to be courageous. I have felt that I am meant to go places and do things since I was a little girl. Until the last couple years, I have chosen to stay comfortable driven by anxiety, worry, and doubt.What I failed to grasp is that God loves me. If you haven't read Ephesians, read it and then when you've finished, read it again. While my future is a mystery to me, it is a lovingly crafted memory to Him. I don't have to let anxiety, worry, and doubt drive my life because with Him, I can be courageous. When I choose to allow Christ to fill me up and wash over me, I can do exactly what He has called me to do because I'm not driving my life anymore, He is. This doesn't mean I don't struggle everyday with it, but it does mean that at the end of the day, I choose to trust He knows what He's doing. He allows the little girl me to be proud of the adult me. Who knows when our choices to be courageous will lead us to exactly the moment that makes us who He made us to be.

Things I've learned While Being a Nanny.

I have recently started working as a nanny in a town outside Nashville. I am starting this post to share some of the things I learn while caring for the sweetest little four year old boy and an almost two year old little girl who has Down Syndrome who already has me wrapped around her finger...

1A. To mine and all the other mom's out there: What you do on a 24/7 365 day basis is extraordinary. I get to go to my quiet, kid-free home at 5:30. Thanks for everything.

1B. I won't be having kids anytime soon. I love them to pieces, but I also love sending them home.
2.The preschool pick up lane is serious business. Beginners not advised. 

3. You never get used to a 4 year old who reads at a second grade level. Especially when he asks to play  Angry Birds on your phone and instead decides to go through your email.

4. Trying to explain that Iowa is just another state in the United States and not a planet in outer space is darn near impossible, especially when the 4 year old asking the questions reeeaalllyy wants his new nanny to be an alien. It's also even more impossible not to go along with it. Whenever he asked a question about Iowa started the sentence with, "Back on your home planet..."

5. Nap time is gold.

6. Laundry isn't so bad when the clothes are smaller than your face. (And the parents buy the kids clothes with impeccable style.)

7. 4 year old logic is the best logic. Example: "I am so brave because I can hang on the first monkey bar. I only hang on this one because it is the monkey bar that protects me when I am sleeping at night. But, I can't hang on the others because we haven't been introduced yet."

8. Focapontas is waaaay better than Pocahontas. And, Pocahontas is a little bit hard to say.

9. January 31st is bubble wrap appreciation day. (It was on a calendar he brought home from preschool)

10. Singing "Itsy bitsy spider" 37 million times is kind of worth it when a little girl squeals and laughs while signing "out came the sun..."

11. They're always hungry....unless it's lunch time.
12. Routine is used in a hazy context.
13. Brushing our teeth is a new and terrifying concept every single morning.

14. There needs to be a Rosetta Stone for reasons kids are crying.

A Child-Like Fearless Faith

<p>I had a dream last night. Well, actually it was kind of a nightmare. I was in a theater like room that had red and black stadium seating, red fabric walls, a red platform in front and a black sound booth in the back over my head. It looked a lot like my hometown movie theater. I'm not sure who exactly I was with but the back row that I was in was full, there was an empty row in front of us and then the rest of the seats were full. I remember the woman teaching was a lady named Karla Chesnutt, and her husband Shawn was running sound. At some point, when the dream started going downhill, a kid who looked like Justin Bieber made a comment about one of the empty chairs in front of my row, Karla turned into my freshman science teacher, and a kid who looked to be around my age was suddenly holding a shot gun and said that he was going to start shooting. I was resting my head on the shoulder of the person next to me and had one of those flashes of dream knowledge where I knew that I was going to die. The shooter and I started having a conversation that I don't remember, then I remember seeing my dream self as if I was sitting in that empty seat. I leaned back in my chair, turned my head to the side, and felt the spray of bullets on the right side of my face and neck. Then, I woke up.

Being involved in a shooting is my biggest fear. So, naturally, this dream stuck with me all day long. Around 5 a close friend asked if my mom and I wanted to go see Rise of the Guardians with her and her mom. I wanted to go to spend time with these friends, but that dream flooded my mind. We agreed to go, and instantly I wondered if I had just volunteered to face my biggest fear. We walked in and my friends mom choose our seats, in the middle, one row from the top. The row in front of us was empty and a family sat in the next one after that. The seats were red and black stadium seats. The walls were made of red fabric. Folks, I got real uncomfortable. I considered faking an illness just to get us out of there. The lights dimmed and the movie started and I started praying for protection really, REALLY hard.

Sidenote: Here's the plot of the movie as told by Wikipedia: The spirit of winter, Jack Frost, describes how he came to be hundreds of years ago, lifted from the depths of a frozen lake by the Man in the Moon, and has been invisible ever since because people don't believe in him. At the North Pole, Nicholas St. North, better known as Santa Claus, is alerted that Pitch the Bogeyman has returned and is threatening childhood with fear. After summoning fellow Guardians the Tooth Fairy (Tooth) the Easter Bunny (E. Aster Bunnymund) and the Sandman (Sandy), North learns from the Man in the Moon that they are to induct Jack as their new member. Jack is brought to North's headquarters and they attempt to swear him in. Jack, frustrated by centuries of isolation caused by children's disbelief in him, declines to join. Regardless, North persuades him to cooperate for now by explaining their mission and the looming threat of Pitch.

2nd Sidenote: I need to take a step back and talk about church this morning. I was 100% not in the mood for it. I was tired, annoyed with the world, and really just wanted to watch The Office. So, the sermon about expecting to hear from God and some of the ways He talks to us, had absolutely no appeal or affect on me. Or so I thought until I saw this movie. Then I realized God was having a 97 minute meaningful conversation with me through an animated holiday children's movie. 

There were tons of themes in this movie that could be linked back to Christian beliefs but the one that hit me hard was one about fear. Pitch changes the world as kids know it by filling their dreams with fear. I firmly believe that one of the way Satan gets to us is through our dreams. He has really gotten to me a lot in the past year by filling my mind with fear. Fear leads to doubt and disbelief, once he has his foot in the door, Satan creates mayhem. Nothing about fear is constructive especially because Jesus told us, that because we have Him we literally have nothing to fear because He already fought and conquered it. One line at the end of the movie said by the star kid to Pitch when Pitch seems to have the upper hand on the fight is, "I believe in you, but I'm not afraid of you." This takes all of the power that Pitch had over the kids. Back in reality, we believe that Satan is real and that he can and does attack us. BUT, when we choose to believe and trust in the Lord, Jesus takes the fear out of facing Satan's attacks.

The movie also puts a huge emphasis on the faith and belief of children. The star kid, Jamie, is the last one who believes in them and he refuses to let his friends tell him any differently. He believes so fiercely that when facing all the fear in the world, he stands firm without any second thoughts or hesitation. Jamie had also never seen Santa or the tooth fairy but he believed them to be true- so much that he was willing to risk his life for them. Even more so, he was willing to face ridicule and judgment from his friends because they no longer believed. We are so called to a faith like that. A deep, playful, carefree, whole hearted faith with no strings or conditions.

Through this movie, God not only reminded me that a life with Him means a life without fear, but also that life in Him is joyful. While it is not without struggles and difficult situations, it calls for a child-like faith without limits, fear, or conditions. A faith that will never fail to see you through every single day. As I was watching the movie and hearing the things God was saying I heard, "I am yours, you are my beloved, there is no reason to live your life in fear because I have never and will never leave you. This is my promise to you as your Guardian, as your Father." What sweet words to hear in the middle of Satans war with fear and doubt. It's amazing what happens when you decide that you're not going to listen at church when the sermon was one that you were ment to hear.

Let's pray for each other, y'all.

Hello friends, I hope this Friday night is treating you well! I have some prayer requests for you if you would be so kind as to help me take these things to God.

The first is for my mom, Lynn. My mom is my rock. She is my heart and soul. She is that little voice on my head saying, "Jooorrrdaaannn, what are you doing?" when I could probably be making better decisions. On October 19th this woman who has devoted her life to being God's servant and serving every single person she meets, was diagnosed with breast cancer. While the seeing the "C" word and my mom used in the same sentence still gives me the willies, the doctors have assured us that she has the most ideal situation (for one having to endure this situation at all). The cancer was found during a routine mammogram and was caught so early, it would have been years before the would have even felt a lump or and hint of sickness. It is also a much less aggressive form than others making it less of an emergency. Even still, my mama requires a double mastectomy to make sure we won't be back here in 5years. This is a lot of trauma to her body but also mentally and emotionally. I ask that you pray complete and permanent healing over her body, peace in her mind, and security in her heart.

My mom is one if God's most special creations. She is all that I strive to be, the best teacher I have ever had, and my reminder that no matter what problem I'm facing, what situation I'm in, there is always some good. During the worst season of our lives, her smile, while sometimes accompanied with tears, was true and sincere. Through her example she taught me how to serve, how to encourage, and how to love. My mama taught me to live leading with my heart, trusting the One who gave it to me to guide it perfectly.

My second request is for my stepdad, Darrin. Darrin had to watch his mom battle cancer more than once and then saw it take her life. To say this diagnosis has been taxing is an understatement. Darrin has shown my family how sweet life can be. When he came into our lives, I was 16. All I saw was another man who would hurt and let me down. When I employed my mother's positive thinking, I selfishly saw at best a two parent income and the possibility of getting a cell phone. It took a long time before my heart softened towards him but it was inevitable. This man is the heart of God. He cares about people more deeply than I could imagine. He loves my sister and I as his own, even when my actions should have turned him away. He shows us everyday how a husband treats his wife and how a father treats his kids. He shows me that the love God has for his kids. Whatta guy. I ask that you pray for reassurance and comfort in his heart, peace in his mind, and strength in his faith in the face of his fears.

The third request is for a new friend I have and her family. They are seeing God move in their lives in a radical way. He is calling their family to grow in both size and in faith, and that's hard. For them I pray for clarity, wisdom, and courage to obey without hesitation.

My last request is for a few of my own issues. Right now, I'm really frustrated with my work situation. I have a heart for God's will but an obedience problem. I can't wait to leave Applebee's and begin my career, but need to wait for God to give me the go ahead. Patience has never been my strong suit. I am feeling led towards using my degree in a rehab setting for people struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. I don't know if that is Spirit led or the new fad of the week for me but I'd love to figure it out. I also and still struggling health wise. I am seeing a doctor here who says I was mis diagnosed with Lymes. This is good, as Lymes is incredibly annoying but he believes that I have had mono for the past 7 months which is a loooooong time for symptoms to be present. There is no treatment for mono, only symptom management. Relief from constant physical pain, extreme fatigue and dizziness would be great. The last request is for my trust in His provision. I am more broke than a bad joke. This is nothing I am unfamiliar with (I like shoes), but a constant test of faith and I struggle with doubt. I have given God control of my finances, now I just want the doubts gone.

I don't know how many people read this, but I havery been told Jesus said where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there. I would be forever grateful if y'all would help me out on these. I would also love for you to post your own prayer requests below in the comment section so I, and everyone who sees them can cover you with blessings. I'm pretty sure this counts as two or more, because I know He is here.